I had a misconception about what I would feel like after healing emotionally. When I was trying to find my way out of depression and confusion, I imagined that when I felt better it would feel like I was floating on a cloud. I envisioned dancing through my days, picking flowers and being immune to worldly hurts. I imagined living on Earth without a care, while wearing a crown of daisies reminiscent of the late 60’s and singing songs of love.
I have since made peace with my past that was riddled with instances of abuse, feelings of abject desperation, isolation and inadequacy. As Khalil Gibran said, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain.” I can bear witness to this truth, as my heart and mind now pulsate with absolute elation, safety and joy.
Although I truly am floating on a cloud in my inner world as I had imagined, I am not immune to worldly hurt. In fact, I no longer fear the feeling of “hurt,” I accept it. And it’s actually quite rewarding. “Hurt” is my friend. It is the raw material I use to deepen my understanding of who I am, and it fuels my ability to serve better.
In fact, I find that my awakened state and worldly hurt is a potent combination I use as a catapult into action. And the new pain I feel along with giving birth to my vision to end obesity on the planet by the year 2040 is quite interesting.
I am experiencing the dance of paradox. I feel a sense of urgency with this vision even though it is appropriate right now to plant the seeds by simply sharing it. Developing the website is exciting and it feels like it can’t be done fast enough, yet I know the timing is and will be just fine. When I’m not sure about what to do next I feel a very uncomfortable sense of agitated energy that I wrestle with until I gain clarity. I can easily visualize a planet of happy, healthy and vibrant people and also recognize that I have no control but to love as fully as I can. Seeing the goal in my mind’s eye while taking simple steps forward can put me on “tilt” from time to time.
I am talking about my awakening pains for the first time, right now, with you, with the intention of accepting them. Because this is new and unexpected territory, I vow to embrace it and walk the path with the same level of intensity and commitment as I did with my personal healing journey. After all, I now recognize that this is a continuation of that same healing journey, and I want to keep growing in my understanding of it.
I appreciate you being here with me and sharing in my experience. I invite you to embrace the new and unfamiliar sensations of your own awakenings, knowing that they are in perfect alignment with your intentions to heal and to grow. The puzzle pieces fit, and sometimes we only know how in retrospect. So, in the meantime, we will continue to walk forward and simply accept what “IS.” Thank you for your courage and commitment to yourself, as it is the most wonderful commitment ever!