I think that is how I would define these last 2 years for me. Living through the worst life has to offer there are times that it feels like a bad dream I can’t wake up from. Unfortunately I’m wide awake.
What do we do when the nightmare is our reality? Off the top of my head I know I’ve cried, a lot. I’ve buried by head in the covers and not wanted to surface, eaten my way through the stress and yes on occasion deadened the pain with more than one glass of wine.
None of those things helped. All they did was keep me in a place that I didn’t want to stay… in the black hole of my grief and pain. Still saying I didn’t want to be there and getting our of that place isn’t a switch that can be flipped.
Maybe there are just times when surreal is the best it can be. What I’ve come to accept and be OK with is that “it is what it is.” (Jack’s favorite phrase.) I don’t like it but fighting it serves no good purpose.
For now that best I can do is allow myself to accept the surrealism that is my life, to learn more about myself in the experience and to have faith that all is as it needs to be.
And therein lies hope, always.
With love, Cheryl