Looking back on the memories and events in our lives has value… as long as we use the perspective that we have now not what we had then. Sometimes when we have regrets or are missing our old life we see everything through a antiquated lens. We still might be able to see however it’s not very clear.
Last week would have been my 37th wedding anniversary. When I experience that day from the perspective that Jack has died my sorrow is magnified and honestly it just makes me feel hopeless. Those are the feelings I had as he was dying.
I’ve lived through his death, 2 wedding anniversaries and 15 month alone. I am not hopeless nor am I wallowing in my sorrow. I feel sad at times and I miss him as you can imagine. However the perspective I have now is very different from “then.”
I know in my heart that the life he lived and died were experiences he came here to have…. just as my life experiences then, now and in the future are ones I wanted and need to have. I can’t explain the “why’s” of any of this but I believe it and I trust that everything happens for a reason.
When I think back over these last few years of the roller coaster journey through his cancer and mine of being at his side I know that we were both blessed to have gone through that together. He may not have physically survived but we were both granted opportunities of a lifetime that we couldn’t have had any other way. Good or bad, who’s to say? I know he is at peace and that I’ve learned to appreciate every moment in this life regardless of what someone looking on might think of it. And therein lies my peace.
Are you ready and willing to see your life for all it means not what it is?