How Are You Supposed To Feel?

Thinking, tired or ill with headache young woman

This morning a read a comment from a friend who said that she didn’t how she was suppose to feel so she just decided to be OK with where she was. I believe that is some of the best advice anyone can give or take.
So often we get tied up in what we think life “should” be that when we’re not there we feel like we’ve failed or worse we feel like we are not worthy of being in the “should” be place.
I grew up believing I should get an education, get married, have kids, take care of my husband, work for the same company all my life, retire by 65 and live happily ever after. Hmmm…. no kids, my husband has died and retirement isn’t anywhere in view. Happily ever after? That’s still to be determined but it seems hard to believe since Jack died. But I’m not giving up on that either.
We learn as life unfolds that it doesn’t necessarily meet our expectations. It isn’t that life is bad it’s just different from what we thought it should be. Our unhappiness lies in holding on to those expectations instead of embracing what is. It’s like looking at the closed door in front of us and not noticing all the other open doors and windows there for us to explore.
I know for me that I haven’t done much looking in these last few months since Jack died. It didn’t actually hit me until a couple of weeks ago when I realized how far I’ve come from the hospice days to here. I’m still grieving the loss of the love of my life… but even in my grief I’ve managed to go back to work, enjoy the new friends I’ve made, buy and renovate a home, move, make it through the holidays and decide it’s time to take care of myself. I didn’t expect to be in the place I’m in right now… but I’m Ok with it… and actually I’ve discovered how strong I am.
If you will take a moment to acknowledge where you are now be OK with it… and acknowledge your own strength. It takes incredible strength to keep on going after a major life change. Give yourself credit for that.
Maybe you aren’t where you want to be but this life is a journey and we’re not done yet.
With love, Cheryl

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