Do You Think It’s Complicated?

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There was a movie a couple of years back that professed that life was “complicated.”  It became a badge of honor… and a label on social media. “Complicated.” Is that how you feel your life is?

Do you have relationship, family or work issues that you feel are complicated?  Does everything you do feel like there are too many moving parts?  Do you think that saying “It’s Simple” is nothing more than a buzz phrase or sound bite?

It’s true… there is plenty out there that is complicated.  For me it was algebra or physics.  All the moving parts to send a shuttle into space,  the intricacies of building a bridge or skyscraper that is safe and the moving parts of a country’s financial system.  Those are complicated.

Relationships… simple.  Life… simple. Being happy… simple.  Really… they are.  If you allow them to be.

If however you choose to see them as complicated then that is exactly what you’ll experience.  Only you can choose to make them simple… and only you can keep them complicated.  If you choose the latter then you also need to accept responsibility for overwhelming yourself.  And I speak from experience… because everything in my life use to be complicated, overwhelming and at times scary.  I saw so many “what if’s” that were filled with doom and gloom that I worried myself into a black hole… and one I had no ability to climb out of… or so I thought.

Then I came to realize that all those complications that I’d been focusing on were figments of my imagination.  I saw the worst and so finding the best was a mine field of maneuvers… none of which I knew how to negotiate.

When instead I decided to reduce my worries and fears down to the core, the lowest common denominator, so to speak, the problem and the resolution was simple.  It is only when we choose to get to the heart of a problem that we discover the simplicity of the solution.  For example:

  • “I can’t pay the rent/mortgage, I’m going to lose my home and have to live on the streets.  I will be embarrassed and have to ask for help.  I don’t know how to tell my kids.”  Can you currently pay the rent? (Yes/No?)  If yes then drop the rest of the worries… they are creations of a vivid imagination.  If no, what will it take for you to be able to?  Do you have to get a 2nd job? A better job? Does a spouse or older child who lives with you need to contribute or contribute more?  Do you need to find a more economical place to live? Do you need to cut out a few non-essential expenses for a while?  It all comes down to what do you need.  Focus on that core requirement and ignore anything else that may be going through your head.
  • “I’m in love with my best friend but he’s involved with someone else.  I know he has feelings for me but I don’t know what I can do about it.  I don’t want to be “the other woman” but I don’t want to live without him.”  This all comes down to what is most important to you.  Is it being a good person or having this man at any cost?  The choice in this one isn’t yours… it’s his.  And he has to live with himself too.  Do what is right for you and allow him to do what is right for him.
  • “I hate my job but I need the money and I can’t quit.  I dread going to work, I’m stressed all the time and I take it out on my family.”  If you’re miserable at work but have financial responsibilities that will be impacted if you quit then don’t quit.  The best time to look for a new job is when you already have a job.  A job search doesn’t involve “pounding the pavement” anymore… it involves research via the Internet or through your connections, sending resumes online or through your connections and doing on occasional interview in person or online.  There isn’t an employer out there that doesn’t understand you have to keep your current job while you’re searching for a new one.  They’re more flexible than you think.   Focus on doing the best at your current job while you are on company time and focus on finding your next job the rest of the time. It’s that simple.

There is a big difference between simple and easy.  Some of the simplest actions may be the hardest… such as walking away from the person you love because they’re in love with someone else.  If however you let what’s important guide you… you’ll discover life really is simple.  It’s all about choices… and they are all yours.

With love, Cheryl

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