When we lose someone close to us, a spouse, a child, a beloved parent our lives are changed irrevocably. There is no one who truly understands our journey unless they too have suffered such a loss. In the last few years I’ve lost both of my parents and my husband Jack. I do understand what you are going through because I’m going through it too.
I had a dear friend who’s husband died nearly 15 years ago. She continued to grieve. I remember saying to Jack that I never wanted to be that person. Since he died however I understand how she felt. There was not a day her life that she didn’t miss her husband and their life together. While she kept busy and seemed to focus her attention on running the lives of her children they were no substitute for her husband and no solace in her grief.
At this stage of my life I am alone. I have no close family so going forward is about figuring out how I want to live and what I want my life to be about.
When I started Simple Steps Real Change it was to help others know that no matter what they are going through they are not alone. Back then I use to say that I’d lost everything except my marriage and then Jack died.
Life after their death is not a “new normal” as those who don’t understand want you to believe. Nothing about this time is normal. It’s painful and scary and heartbreaking and terrifying and sometimes all of those things at once. The best we can do it take it one (Simple) step at a time and be willing to be OK with the experience. It’s not easy and don’t let anyone ever tell you to move on, to get over it or to get a life. Grieving doesn’t work that way. The best you can do it take it as it comes and be open to these new experiences. In time your beliefs, your faith and your desire to be happy again will be what guides you to feeling better about your life after their death.
For more articles on working through your grief check out these articles: