For many this is the week of Valentine’s Day. A week of honoring love and happiness. This is the time of year where for a day, at least, we make a big deal out of the love we share with the love of our lives. Jack & I use to do something special on Valentine’s Day even if it was just cooking a favorite meal at home and being together without distractions.
Three years ago that all changed when he died the day after Valentines’ Day. I take this week off of work because for the past two years its been about just getting through the week without plunging into the abyss of my grief.
This year it’s different though. Some of that is because I’ve finally made my peace with his dying. Mostly though its because I’ve finally made peace with my living.
These days I’m making the choice to I start my day by looking for the good in each moment. That’s a bit easier because I’m not focused on losing Jack. I approach each situation with the belief there is a reason I need to experience it. Whether it is a joy or a challenge I allow myself to see the blessing it brings to my life.
Mostly though I am setting my intentions to focus on what makes me feel good in any given moment. I could worry about the “what if’s” of the future or the “whys” of the past but I can’t change either and all that does it make me feel bad. I can’t do that to myself anymore.
This gentle shift in my focus enables me to only feel love for Jack, not sorrow. The gentle shift allows me to genuinely laugh and enjoy my life. The gentle shift means that I look forward to each day, solo. And in this week of love and loss I’m choosing to only focus on the love because that is all that matters.
With love, Cheryl