Back in March I had this overwhelming feeling that if I was going to move past my grief I needed to do something big and bold and I needed to do it alone. I woke up one morning and booked a trip to Ireland. In less than 5 weeks that big, bold and solo journey will be my reality.
It took until last week for me to get excited about it. It was planned so far in advance that I needed to stay grounded in my day to day reality. In this few months I discovered that maintaining my routine, my normal life so to speak, was exactly what I needed to do for myself. When my husband died there was a void a million miles deep. This routine helped me build a bridge that opens me up to my future.
Every step I’ve taken since Jack died has given me stability that I have desperately needed. It was necessary for me to lay that foundation because my old one had crumbled. From day to day I may not be rocking happiness but I am content in my life.
What I do know is that I’m finally ready to take this leap forward. I realize doing so is not forgetting my life before, my decades of marriage, the love of my life. It means that I am in a place to take life for what it is. We are all born into this life and we all leave it behind. It’s what we do in between that determines if we make the most of it or if we let it pass us by. The truth, in my mind, is I needed to let everything go on without me until now.
I am still going to miss Jack every day. I know that taking this journey without him is not what I would prefer but he’s not here and I may be for many years to come. I’m ready to make more of my life than what I have.
We do what we do when we are ready. It’s important to allow ourselves that space. There is no rush to the finish line in life. We all get there. But when we’re ready we know it deep within our souls.
With love, Cheryl