When the world seems to have passed you by…
When we go through the worst life has to offer it is a set back in our lives. We are no longer the partner, as financially secure, or gainfully employed. Our prior life is a thing of the past and we struggle to figure out our new place or at least how we get through our days now that what was isn’t.
Losing a spouse in death is irrevocable. Whether you expected them to die or didn’t you are now alone in what use to be a partnership. Most days you’re just trying to figure out what comes next. At least that’s the way its been for me since Jack died nearly 2 1/2 years ago. Sure we can fall into a routine but the freedom we have now is not what we wanted. Our friends and family have moved on with their own lives but we’re lost. They know we’re dealing with it as best as we can but they don’t have a clue what it’s like. (And we wouldn’t wish it on them either.)
The same thing happens in divorce except that there is the added stress of everyone watching to see what you will do. Whether it’s the next encounter with the ex and their new “friend,” or dealing with the people who walked out of your life with your spouse there is always someone who’s only focus is to see if you will break down.
If your finances or your job disappeared the best you can do it make ends meet until you can get back on your feet. Friends you use to go out with still want to do what you’ve always done and can be oblivious to what you can’t do anymore. They go along as if nothing has changed while you back off from their friendship because you can’t keep it up.
The worst life has to offer is tough enough without having to deal with being left behind. There is no blame in being forgotten. Everyone else is moving on as they always have and we’re just recovering. Unless they have been through what we are going through they don’t and really can’t fully understand.
We see life differently after we’ve come through a major challenge. The people who have left our lives needed to so we would have the capacity for the friends we need now.
We can decide that being left behind is bad and compound the pain we already feel or we can choose to see it as an opportunity to welcome new people into our lives. One way makes you feel bad… the other allows you to feel better.
It’s your choice.