Looking Back

Don’t look back it’s not where you’re going. 

Don’t live in the past it’s past.

Yesterday is a memory today is all that matters.

You’ve probably heard these phrases but they may not matter to you.  You’re a live in the moment person or perhaps your focus  is on tomorrow. For anyone though who has lost a loved one looking back is the only thing you can do to hold on to what mattered most in your life.  This is for those of us left behind when our loved ones have moved on to high ground, so to speak.

There is peace in knowing that they are in a better place and they are free from the pain & suffering.  They can run and fly and soar and their world now is limitless.  Everyone of us is grateful for that. We’re not feeling the same for ourselves.

We try to be grateful for all we had.  We were lucky to have all those years with the love of our life.  We do all we can to be grateful for our lives at this moment even though this moment isn’t anything compared to what it used to be.  We get up and go through the motions of the day. Some days we can even laugh.  Some days we have fun.  Some days we’re not so successful at moving forward and we find ourselves in a heap on the floor.  It is our lives, now.

As hard as it is to look back it also brings me peace.  I don’t really care what the experts say about letting go and moving on.  Sometimes it’s more important to relive my memories and feel every bit of sorrow for all I’ve lost.  When you’ve known great love you also know how rare it is.  Looking back enables me to honor the legacy of my marriage to Jack… and that’s what works for me.

The death of my husband and my marriage was the end of an era.  I can still look back and be enchanted by days gone by.  I can celebrate it for the way we were.  I can also appreciate the foundation it built underneath me.  So yes, I’m going to keep looking back because it was a damn good part of my life.

And that’s what works for me.

Do what works for you.  It’s your life… your journey.  And conventional wisdom may not be what is right for you.

With love, Cheryl