How many times have we said something like, “I’ll be so happy when…” For me it was, “I’ll be happy when we are living back in the Pacific Northwest.” Of course for me that means that I have to sell my home and move a couple thousand miles. It does require that our house be listed for sale and that we have a place to go when we get there. None of those parts of the puzzle are in place.
So should this mean that I’m going to be miserable until I get to where I want to live? If I am then it is a choice that I make. And I can tell you I’m not going to make that choice!
When we look to external factors for our happiness, from the things we have to the people in our lives, we are sorely disappointed. No amount of stuff is ever going to be enough and the only person who can make me happy is me!
Relying on other people, conditions or things means that we don’t feel that we are responsible for our own happiness. When we feel this way then we have a “victim” mentality where we believe that since we aren’t responsible for our own happiness then we can’t do anything to change it.
In reality we are THE only one responsible for our happiness. Even in the most dire of circumstances we get to choose how we react.
In Simple Steps… Real Change, The Book I wrote about Campbell who went from a gifted athlete to being paralyzed in a tragic accident with a drunk driver. Everything that she held dear in her young life was gone in an instant. Rather than focus on being a victim she chose to use her experience to help other children dealing with similar situation. She chose to be happy.
When we stay stuck in our misery something else happens… All of our friends & family who do their best to help us feel helpless. If we aren’t willing to help ourselves then there really is nothing that they can do. It’s painful for them to watch us deteriorate. For those who have tried for a long time to help us and we resist their suggestions and efforts then they may give up…and in some cases lose patience. We may even feel that they don’t understand. Maybe they don’t…but then neither do we because our choosing to be miserable.
If you can see yourself in any of what I have written then know that you are not alone. I’ve been there too. Here are some of the Simple Steps that helped me come back into the light:
- “Simple Steps… Real Change, the Book” – Download it for free. It’s a short read. You can read it in an hour or two. There are several tailored Simple Steps complete with worksheets where you can practice the shift in perspective that helps you to see more positivity.
- Seek Professional Help – If you are depressed or feel like you don’t want to try then you need expert help. Oftentimes we think that we cannot afford to see a doctor or counselor. Every county has free resources. Seek them out. Go to your church and ask for help from your clergy. Organizations for seniors, military, disabilities and others all have great websites and resources. Research them on the Internet.
- Support Groups – Positive focused websites and pages are added every day. Look for the one that has similar direction as you are seeking.
- Recommended Reading – I have posted a list of books that I have read and relied on for inspiration and ideas. Check them out at your local library or Half Priced Bookstores.
Do not put your life on hold. The time to be happy is now! The time to take charge of your happiness is NOW! When you do you’ll feel in control. And that Simple Step feels better!