What you don’t admit doesn’t improve

Do you often wonder why so many people around you are happier than you are?  Their marriages are happy, their jobs are great, their children are perfect and they are financially abundant.

When you encounter one of these folks and ask the perfunctory, “How are you?”  Do they respond with “Great!”  causing you to respond the same way when they ask you?  You know that it isn’t exactly accurate in your case….  Why is it that you think that it is in theirs?

This is a superficial place to live in and one in which the truth never comes to the surface.  What’s worse is that person whose life you think is so charmed may be the one who needs the lifeline!

By acknowledging your challenges you give permission to others to open up and share their life with you.  This is one of those Simple Steps that is not easy but it’s time to stick your toe in the water. 

  • Start small… if you open up the flood gates there is going to be a flood.  The idea is to poke a hole in the dam. 
  • Take this approach with someone that you know well, respect and like. 
  • When asked how you are respond with something along the lines of, “I’m doing fairly well.  I didn’t receive the promotion that I thought I would so we won’t be taking a vacation this year.” 
  • Follow your admission with a positive statement, “I know that I have a couple areas to work on that will make me more marketable/promotable so I’ve started working with my mentor on opportunities to help me develop.”

When you open up to another about your not so perfect life you give them permission to do the same.  In that space you relieve the pressure that you have been feeling.   Your friend then has the opportunity to share their concerns.  And that feels better for both of you!



7 thoughts on “What you don’t admit doesn’t improve

  1. Reader #1. Might consider this: The person that drops a slight issue out there may be reaching beyond their comfort zone as a test to see if they can reach out for help rather than supressing it. If you view them as a complainer or a whiner, you could be adding to the problem by reaffirming their fear that no one cares or is willing to help. Might consider listening for a moment and suggest they reach out to someone they trust. Also, you might have been in that situation before where someone may not have wanted to necessarily help you, but they did. Though your tone in your reply suggests you are without issues or problems and you don't have time for anyone that does, you likely have been there at one time.

  2. Adriana you were the second post, the no name was the first. Either way I disagree too with yours, This isnt a person who has problems. It is simply being the real you, I have always respected that in my employees and employer.

  3. I will have to call you reader #1, since you did not have the courage to give your name.

    I disagree completely with your assesment. First of all you would only say something like that to someone you know and trust very well. It does not even have to be someone at work, but it could be. Second, Cheryl did suggest to start small, so you don't open the flood gate. Just in that one statement shows you really did not pay attention to what was truely written by Cheryl, Third, I have been a company executive for almost 23 years. If a co-worker made that statement to me as their boss or co-worker…I would consider them to be very serious about their career and seeking out mentors to acheive their goals. If you are working for a company that is built on "Staying the Path" with teamwork, respect, integrity, and compassion …that company would be impressed with this kind of employee. This would be great training moments for their employees that think like this. I am not sure where you are working, but if you believe that Cheryls blog did not meet your approval or belief system…I would be looking for another place to work.

  4. I will have to call you reader #1, since you did not have the courage to give your name.

    I disagree completely with your assesment. First of all you would only say something like that to someone you know and trust very well. It does not even have to be someone at work, but it could be. Second, Cheryl did suggest to start small, so you don't open the flood gate. Just in that one statement shows you really did not pay attention to what was truely written by Cheryl, Third, I have been a company executive for almost 23 years. If a co-worker made that statement to me as their boss or co-worker…I would consider them to be very serious about their career and seeking out mentors to acheive their goals. If you are working for a company that is built on "Staying the Path" with teamwork, respect, integrity, and compassion …that company would be impressed with this kind of employee. This would be great training moments for their employees that think like this. I am not sure where you are working, but if you believe that Cheryls blog did not meet your approval or belief system…I would be looking for another place to work.

  5. I disagree somewhat ..I've noticed when people talk about their problems,it just brings about more problems in their lives.The more you talk about something,good or bad,as Esther and Jerry Hicks mention in their lectures and books,the more of that whatever it is shows up.Wouldn't it be better to start out with what's bothering you,then gradually work statements out-like up a ladder with improving statements about how you would like things to be.

  6. I have to disagree with this article, in portion. Simply because too many times Ive heard people describe this very type of person (as you are suggesting to be) as a Bad news Betty or Succubus Sally. You don't ever want to open a conversation with complaints. Work your way through first. Your topics may seem minuscule and down right "nothing" to the person whom you're speaking to. They may feel as though: 1) "oh my god how depressing is this person".. and ward off all conversations OR 2) "She/He thinks she has problems" and they ended up talking about the other person's problems the entire conversation because they didn't want to play the "Oh yeah, well.." game and blurt out their problems like they were worse and need more attention.
    Now, with that said, the portion I do agree with is the positivity that you enforce to others to make them feel good in knowing that you are there to listen. But the opening party needs to be certain to not run on and on about their own problems so the other doesn't have a turn to open up & speak.

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