Redirect Your Motivation

I’ve done so many things in my life because I thought I had to.  Whether it was a sense of duty or someone’s expectations of me…there are things that  I would have done differently if my motivation had been different.

Every weekend when I was a child my parents would take us to visit my grandparents.  My father’s parents lived the closest and we would stop & pick up Danish pastries to take with us.  It became a given that we would be there and the family expected Dad to bring these treats. My parents both felt it was their duty to spend time with their parents…so we did.

I have friends who stay the course with unhappy marriages or miserable jobs because they owe it to their families to keep the stability.  That was the reason that I stayed so long with my company…I thought that being loyal and a long term employee was the responsible thing to do…even though I was unhappy.

What are you doing in your life that you do out of some preconceived obligation?  If you took that factor out of the equation would you change what you were doing?

Here are a couple Simple Steps help you determine whether you should keep on keeping on or make a change:

  • Determine the Benefits.    Do you have an overwhelming sense that your action is good or not?  Frame this two ways.  Is it good for you?  Is it good for others?  If both of your responses are positive then don’t make a change.  After all if it feels good…do it!  If however either one of your responses was negative ask yourself who is more important to consider.  If you are then it is time to make a change.
  • Decide if you are happy about what you are doing.  If you are not but continue to do it because you think that  you are making your spouse or children happy take the time to talk to them.  Your family does not want you to be unhappy.  Tell them how  you feel.  Ask for their support as you make the change.  When you realize that they didn’t care about it as much as you thought that they would the change will be simple!

Only you can decide what is important to you and makes you happy.  Either way…the choice is yours.  Embrace it!

2 thoughts on “Redirect Your Motivation

  1. Jim,
    I’m glad that you posted because you are dealing with the same thing that so many people are. Sometimes it’s hard to make a change because priorities have to be considered. You are waiting for the right opportunity and as long as you focus on that…what you want…rather than on what you don’t want…you’ll see the opportunity in front of you.
    Thanks for being here!
    Cheryl

  2. This entry reached out from the laptop last night, grabbed me by the nose and refused to let go. It was much on my mind all day:

    “Is it good for you? Is it good for others?”

    I’m convinced that what I’ve been giving my time and energy to each day for the last three months is not only not good for me, on several levels, but I’ve also been asking myself if it could possibly be good for anyone else. I’ve been asking myself what if anything I’m bringing to this, that any other pair of hands couldn’t do as well. What is better now because Jim, specifically, is involved? The answer I keep arriving at is Nothing. The situation I found when I arrived is not improved, for a variety of reasons. Not since I worked in union sheet metal shops forty years ago have I just been a pair of hands, to perform tactical, transactional work, without the authority or responsibility to facilitate something better than I found. The role isn’t going to change to accomodate me; I’m not likely to change who I am to accomodate the role. The answer to the twin questions “Is it good for you? Is it good for others?” is No. So am I doing this out of obligation? As the sole income for this household, Yes. Would I change what I’m doing? In an flash, as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Thx for the nudge.

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